Rude Stories

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I’m not proud of these experiences, some were good and fun, some I put myself into danger, and all in all I carry a lot of shame.

If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off? On a day she was driving me up a wall I convinced her to wait to open her bottle of Coke because the bottle said there was a winner every five minutes. She was disappointed she didn't win after waiting exactly five minutes. I however enjoyed her sulky silence for the rest of the day. My ex decided she wanted a four-way, promised me it was other women, and that all would be a surprise. upvotes Follow Unfollow 6 months ago Dots Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017 She has always been keen on the idea but sensibly wary about damaging a relationship. In the beginning it was “this is just a fantasy, we shouldn’t risk it”.

When My Neighbor In The Building Accused Me Of Lying…

I am a waiter in a restaurant in a town in Spain that gets a few tourists. Our restaurant is in a small alleyway (medieval town = lots of thin alleyways!) with al-fresco dining running its length.

Me: “I’m just thinking that if a woman breastfeeding is enough for you to worry about your sons, then you might be in for a surprise when you hit the Spanish beaches. Topless women are the norm there.” I lost my virginity under a bridge. I was having sex with this poor girl and I was trying my best, but I was like Scotland at the World Cup – just happy to be there.” – Russell Howard He was surprised at the drastic change of subject. He looked down at his half-eaten French Dip. “Uh, it’s good. Real good.” I’m going out with an English teacher, which is a bit awkward because she keeps correcting my grammar during sex. She’s particularly annoyed at my improper use of the colon.” – Gary DelaneyAt the end of the day, no matter who you invite over—your closest friends, beloved family members, or new acquaintances—you have to feel comfortable with what’s going on in your home. That means enforcing certain boundaries if someone hasn’t got a drop of common sense and oversteps politeness by leaps and bounds. Mr and Mrs Smith,” he said, “ I’m sure you’re exaggerating. I’m happy to review their behaviour for you but I’ll be surprised if your boys are any different to any other young kids.” They also took all the clothes out of my closet, put them on, threw them on the floor and stepped on those, and ruined two rugs on the way. Turns out, she’d been throwing away clothes instead of washing them. She claimed she didn’t know she could, yet she washed her undergarments and bras without a hitch.