Straight Jacket: Overcoming Society's Legacy of Gay Shame

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Matthew Todd is one of the UK's leading gay writers. He was the editor of the UK's bestselling gay magazine, Attitude, between 2008 and 2016 where he won three British Society of Magazine Editors Editor of the Year Awards, a Stonewall Journalist of the Year Award and was given the Freedom of the City of London. Prince William made history by sitting for the cover of Matthew's final issue as editor. Todd outlines this understanding in three parts: part one explores the roots of LGBT shame, part two the unhealthy ways that LGBT people seek to escape the pain of this shame, and part three the road to recovery. In each part, Todd draws on his own experience, stories of those he knows, and interviews with various experts and practitioners.

A really brilliant and moving read for everybody, especially LGBTQI+ people' - Olly Alexander, star of It's A Sin at a time when we are overwhelmed by the danger of our existence, clutching for a rope to pull us out of the pit of fear, this shiny, unreal, neon world of artifice, of glamour, of making something beautiful out of the dullness offers us a way to escape – to disconnect from reality. This book is one that everyone should read regardless of sexuality and identity, don't even think about it: just buy it and read it. If you're LGBTQ+ read it! If you have an LGBTQ+ friend or family member read it! If you just care about other people read it. If you are in the privileged position of nurturing children and young adults then please please please read it! A groundbreaking and controversial book which explores contemporary gay and bisexual culture and asks if gay people are as happy as they could be. Todd explores why statistics show a disproportionate number of gay people suffer from mental health problems, and why significant numbers experience difficulty in sustaining meaningful relationships. It is a call-to-arms for society to protect and nurture young people, regardless of their sexual orientation. Of course Todd doesn’t agree: it doesn’t fit the narrative he was trying to push that LGBT people latch on to things like this just to escape. They couldn’t possibly like these things for another, more positive reason, right? Again, I think he imagines his own experiences and reactions as being somehow universal.

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A sincere and heartfelt cry to the gay community to come out of denial about the impact of childhood pains on our lives today. If only this had been written twenty years ago I can only imagine the lives that could have been saved sooner. This is a hugely important book for everyone. It's changed the way I see myself, other people and the world. Paris Lees, author and British Vogue Contributing Editor As somebody who has fortunately never experienced a harmful addiction, I couldn't relate to most of this book and didn't find it particularly helpful. There are a lot of very dark, grim stories which might terrify some people, even in an unhelpful way. I can't help but feel that when Todd were writing this book, further research and input from people with different experiences should have been included. If this book is targeted only at cis gay men, then other cis gay men should have been consulted (not just anecdotally) on their own experiences of growing up gay and how this has affected them in later life. But I also think this book should have been even longer, more comprehensive, and equally (and not, as is the case, just in passing) included voices from other queer people, especially women and trans people, who really barely get a mention. I think that's a mistake. This book could easily have had a broader reach discussing queer shame in its entirety. On the other hand, it essentially reads like a list of reasons that being gay is difficult. It's not an uplifting book, and I was hoping it would be. I was hoping there might be some tips and advice about living as your true self etc. Instead, what we get is a small section towards the end aimed at helping people with serious addictions. It's useful for them, and might save lives, but doesn't really ever go much broader than that. In fact, it sort of feels like a lot of this book was catharsis for its author, written primarily about his own experiences (there's nothing wrong with that) and his own views on how to overcome the immense difficulties he's faced - but it's another thing when you're then proclaiming that this is the way to overcome 'Gay Shame'. It really didn't do that.

My only other observation was that the first 2/3 of the book explore the issues and really brought up some strong feelings for me. The final part outlines places to seek help (in the Uk) and some ideas for solutions. My problem here is that the solutions posted often were in relation to drug or alcohol related issues. If your issues are in relation to just mental health the suggestions were a lot more limited and sadly less helpful. Ive read "The Velvet Rage" by Alan Downs and by and large i found this book built on the ideas covered there. I found much of the stories to be impactful and at times quite troubling. Being gay in a heteronormative society is not easy, but add the macho aggression found here in Australia and it changes it to a very bleak place. Matthew Todd thought he had long since dealt with the demons surrounding his sexuality. In [his] new book, he reveals the crisis of shame facing the gay community – and how to solve it. The Observer And we should respond by continuing to proclaim the better story. Todd shares about some of the routes to recovery that have been helpful to him and others, highlighting especially the role that Twelve Steps groups can play. It’s a good thing that Todd and others have found significant help in these various forms of support. Each form of support is an example of God’s generosity to humanity (what theologians call ‘common grace’). But as Christians we have better and even more powerful answers to offer. My criticism of the book is that the honest portrayal of gay life could well terrify young readers. It did paint a pretty bleak picture, it was honest and accurate but ....I guess this book reminded me that in an ideal world this wouldn't be an issue. Meanwhile I'm trying to navigate the realities of living in the actual world. It's true that in Norway the culture is accepting of gay people, because of their almost aggressive assertion of equality amongst all peoples—but the Turkish guys had only been here two months, turned out. I've been here eight years and I still don't know the language, so just how rapidly can you expect people to adapt to new cultures? (Googled LGBT in Turkey: it gets a yike from me.) This powerful book, I believe, will save lives. I’d like to see every gay man read this. Juno Dawson, The Guardian

Matthew Todd is one of the UKs leading gay writers. He was the editor of the UK's bestselling gay magazine, Attitude, between 2008 and 2016 where he won three British Society of Magazine Editors Editor of the Year Awards, a Stonewall Journalist of the Year Award and was given the Freedom of the City of London. Prince William made history by sitting for the cover of Matthew's final issue as editor. I think our first response should be compassion. Todd litters his writing with heart-breaking stories. There are stories of people made and loved by God, people who bear God’s image, who have been made to feel that they are degenerate or disgusting. There are stories of people who have become trapped in dangerous and destructive practices in their desperate attempt to deal with the pain they carry. And there are stories of people for whom the pain became just too much and the only solution they could see was to opt out of life completely. This insight into the experience of some LGBT people should break our hearts and move us with compassion, just as Jesus was moved with compassion when he saw sorrow and suffering. Unfortunately, the book is not so strong when he steps away from his personal experiences. He is not a therapist so he quotes 'The Velvet Rage' - the best and most famous book - on the impact of childhood shame on grown gay men, rather than being able to update it (Velvet Rage was written over fifteen years ago) or provide a specifically UK take. A lot of the time, he feels like he is reporting on specific issues - for example, homophobic bullying at school, body image issues - and he explains at the end that a lot of the book started as magazine articles. I'm afraid it shows.An honest insight into LGBTQ life that everybody should be enlightened about regardless of sexuality. Rylan Clark-Neal It's an ambitious attempt to draw together the ills facing gay men (and lgbt people by extension) currently. On the one hand, it expertly explains the origins of the problems so many queer people face - how society treats us and the defence mechanisms we develop to cope with them. And, being aware of these issues so succinctly is always going to be useful to overcoming them.