It’s already, nearly been a month since I moved out of my parents home to living alone. While it’s been a very exciting time, it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be. In this blog post, I wanted to showcase my feelings and how I’ve felt over the past month.
When I first moved in there was no homely feel to the place. I started to unpack my boxes and add the Luke touch to each room. I was so excited to showcase what I had to offer to the house and try to find a place for each and every object I had started to acquire from wanting to move out. Luckily enough I had a week off when I moved in. I then went to London for a few days so I was away from home and enjoyed the thought of going back and just having my own space. But, on the other hand, I was going back to an empty house, no tv, no internet and no fridge or freezer. My anxiety was going over and over, but I was in London so I didn’t let it get to me. However, when I started to head back from London to my Boyfriend’s house, I could feel myself worrying about how much work I needed to do. I remember unlocking my door and walking into a cold, lifeless and quiet house. After spending time with my boyfriend I felt so upset. However, I thought to myself there is no point sitting around and being upset, So I got back into my car and went to Currys to buy myself a TV so at least I had something to watch while I waited for my internet at the end of the week.
The next morning I woke up and found myself lying in bed thinking about all the things I would like to do with the house. But in reality, all I wanted to do was having someone around and not be on my own. I had my boyfriend around on the weekend before I went to back work and I felt in my element. Cooking, cleaning and just knowing someone was there was such a nice feeling. But as soon as he went home and I knew I was going to be on my own, the feelings started to creep back. I tried to sit and write a blog post or try and get into reading some of my favourite bloggers. However, I couldn’t even do this. To take my mind off of the feelings I tried to get things ready to go back to work, which seemed to do the trick. The following morning I woke up to get ready to go to work and I felt so good because I was getting away from the house. Able to socialise and not have to worry about being on my own. But as the time to go home came, I was getting anxious knowing I was going back home to no-one. I’ve been so used to coming home and saying hello to my mom, siblings and getting a lovely big hug from our dog Luna. When that doesn’t happen anymore, it’s just a little bit upsetting.
These feelings are still strong even going into to a month of moving out. Somedays I love the thought of coming home from work, getting into my onesie and sitting down with a cup of tea watching my new found tv shows that I enjoy watching. Yet there are days where I can’t wait to go to work or to go to my parents or the boyfriends. The thought of being on my own scares me, the thought of doing everything myself fills me with so many anxious thoughts. These feelings are so strong they just make me feel upset and unmotivated. Which is why my blogging and Instagramming has taken a backseat because of the negative and unmotivated feelings. In addition to this is money worries. I’m doing this all on my own so I struggle to get my head around budgeting and making sure I have enough money left over to last me. As I’m an adult this is something I need to take into my stride and make sure I sit down and do.
I hope that when the months go on, these feelings fade. When it’s warm and sunny and I can do more things and see more people without having to spend too much money, I’d be happy. But at the moment, I’m happy the one moment and I feel utterly upset and unmotivated the next. This is why I want to try and get into blogging and Instagram once again. Also even getting into starting my own photography business to get myself back on the road of trying to feel like me again. At the moment I’m struggling and I hate it.