Official Essex Girl Joke Book

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SARAH VINE: Where DO Harry and Meghan stand in relation to their puppet? If they don't denounce Omid's book, we can only assume they endorse it So here are our favourite 'in' jokes - the things you will only really understand if you're from Essex. Sarcastically saying "bants" when something is not funny Keri Russell goes casual in a sweatshirt and jeans as she appears at a Q&A panel for her Netflix series The Diplomat Travis Kelce 'looks old' and is 'wobbling' for the Chiefs - but it has NOTHING to do with Taylor Swift, says ex-NFL scout John Middlekauff

In the late 80s, when Laurence Marks and Maurice Gran came up with the idea for Birds of a Feather, a sitcom about two sisters who end up living a life of luxury after their husbands are sent to jail for bank robbery, they decided to set it in Chigwell, a Conservative-voting south-west Essex town that “represented new money, unabashed,” said Gran. “There is a lot of snobbery involved, and it can be liberal metropolitan snobbery as much as home counties conservative snobbery,” Gran told me. “I don’t think people have to apologise for striving and achieving.” BBC fans are in for a treat this Christmas as the broadcaster announces the return of THIS hit music show Five. One to make the mixture and four to peel the Smarties. What makes an Essex girl's eyes light up?an essex girl enters a sex shop and asks for a vibrator. the man says "choose from our range on the wall" Maya Jama puts on a VERY leggy display in dazzling silver gown as she attends the Sabina Bilenko Couture Christmas party What do Essex girls and computers have in common ? You don't know what you are missing until they go down on you. The Conservative party may have succeeded in identifying the desires of these children of London, but it didn’t offer much to satisfy them. What it offered instead was an illusory promise. “There was this false understanding that Margaret Thatcher was a strong woman who could provide economic opportunities, she understood you wanting to get on,” Basildon’s former MP Angela Smith, who won a majority as Labour returned in 1997, told me. “But the policies were so damaging if you look at unemployment, you look at the industry. Look how Basildon has changed.”

Jada Pinkett Smith reveals whether she and estranged husband Will Smith are 'staying together forever' after secretly separating SEVEN years ago Formerly bucolic outposts such as West Ham, East Ham, Ilford and Barking became bustling metropolitan centres. Between 1921 and 1932, the population of Dagenham rose from 9,127 to 89,362 – an increase of 879%, largely thanks to the construction of Becontree, the largest council estate in the world. The arrival of Ford Dagenham in 1931, a huge car manufacturing plant, provided thousands of jobs. Still, the rise of manufacturing in these newly metropolitan Essex hubs did not create prosperity for everyone. A social survey of Greater London, published in 1929, described Canning Town and Silvertown as “perhaps the largest area of unbroken depression in east London”. What is the difference between a supermarket trolley and an Essex girl ? A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own. Why was the Essex girl so pleased to complete a jigsaw puzzle in 18 months ? Because it said on the box "From 2 to 5 years".At the wake in Kensington, to cheer everyone up, Heffer told the story about the bloke on the train. One of the attendees, the Sunday Telegraph’s deputy editor Frank Johnson, who had himself grown up in the East End, told Heffer that he had identified a fascinating social phenomenon. “I said: ‘Yes, he’s Essex man!’” recalled Heffer, “and Frank said: ‘It’s brilliant! Do it, do it!’ So I went away and wrote the piece and it appeared the following Sunday.”

Love it or loathe it, being taken to the panto is a yearly tradition not easily broken. Christmas just isn't the same unless you've been dazzled with brightly-coloured costumes and booed the nasty villain. Sometimes you got to go with school and it meant the inevitable lengthy discussions over which "best" friend would sit next to you and singing all the way home on the coach. This year we even get the Hoff in Southend! Hugh Grant, 63, and his wife AnnaElisabet Eberstein, 40, attend the Wonka premiere ahead of his controversial role as an Oompa Loompa

2) You spent your teenage years in Top Golf and Lakeside Shopping Centre

Trust us, we all know one, have spoken to one, met one or is married to one. Even though no baby looks like a Dave. Girls' night out! Queen Máxima of the Netherlands stuns in a sensational shimmering gown as she steps out solo in Paris with Brigitte Macron

No you get in the right lane then the left then go round the roundabout! Not that roundabout - the other one!" Many a taxi journey, trip home in a friend's car or ride to the shops with your nan became a hair-raising experience as those unfamiliar with the unorthodox layout of several mini roundabouts surrounding a gargantuan one became stymied by the road ahead.Charli XCX is engaged! Pop superstar announces she is to wed The 1975 drummer George Daniel after one year of dating